Raw Predictions

January 2, 2013

Now that I have recapped the past year its time to abuse another sportswriter cliche and make some predictions for the upcoming year in sports.  Here are ten things that I am pretty sure will happen in 2013.  Starting with the most likely and going down from there.


1.  The Chiefs will blow the number 1 pick- This is an absolute mortal lock to happen.  If vegas took bets on things like this I would put my net worth on it. (Not very much unless you count the car my parents bought me.  Which I do.)  The Chiefs haven’t had a successful draft in years and for reasons beyond my comprehension decided to keep Scott Pioli as GM.  Nearly every single one of Pioli’s major decisions, draft picks and coaching hires, have been disastrous.  I predict the Chiefs either reach for a completely unqualified QB or draft a third consecutive defensive lineman with great measurables and really sheisty college stats.  Worst case scenario here is that the pick ends up as part of a trade package for Michael Vick.  If that happens I may have to permanently switch my allegiances to the ‘Skins bandwagon.  Hail RGIII.

2.  Alabama will crush Notre Dame- The resurgence of Notre Dame is a nice story and all but I don’t think they have a chance in hell of beating Alabama.  Alabama made it through the meat grinder that is the SEC season with only one loss and relatively few close calls.  Notre Dame obviously went undefeated this year but I’m not that impressed.  “Quality” wins over USC and Oklahoma don’t look nearly as impressive now as they did at the time and they had a huge and very questionable call go there way at the end of the Stanford game.  I hope I am wrong on this one, (fat chance) but I’m calling Alabama by at least ten.  I can’t tell if Nick Saban has signed a deal with the devil, or is actually the devil himself.  Either way my money is on the Crimson Tide.

3.  Andy Murray will win at least two majors- This one sounds crazy but I really think Murray follows up his breakout year and starts to dominate the Tennis scene.  Nadal’s body is breaking down and he has already pulled out of the Australian Open with a mysterious stomach virus.  Federer is old and will eventually start to show his age leaving Murray and the Novak Djokovic to split up the majors.  I’m thinking Australia and the French for the Djoker and Wimbledon and the US for Murray.

4.  Duke will win the national title- This is a homer pick, but a defensible one.  Duke has gone undefeated against an incredibly hard schedule, and looked really good doing it.  They pass the eye test, and look even better according to advanced metrics.  This ESPN.com piece, compiled using statistics that I do not understand, has Duke way ahead of the field.  Second place Indiana is closer to 10th place Ohio State than they are to Duke. Duke is pretty clearly the best team this year, and while the best team doesn’t always win the title the blue Devils are my pick.

5.  Brad Stevens will take the UCLA head coaching job- This is a double prediction because it requires incumbent UCLA head coach Ben Howland getting fired, and UCLA convincing Stevens to come to Westwood.  Considering the Bruins early season struggles and general culture of underachievement the former seems like a safe bet. (In 07-08 UCLA had Russell Westbrook, Darren Collison and Kevin Love and failed to win the title.)  The latter could be trickier but should still happen.  Stevens has been wildly successful at Butler and has been offered a couple of better jobs already but has wisely turned them down.  He has hero status at Butler and infinite job security.  It will take a prestigious program and a shit ton of cash to get him away from the Bulldogs.  UCLA can offer both.

(This will piss me off enormously because I want Brad Stevens to take over when Coach K retires.  Hopefully sometime around 2030.)

6.  The Heat will win the NBA title- I hate this so much but it is going to happen.  I don’t even want to talk about it.  Prove me wrong Lob City.

7.  The NHL will cancel the entire season- And absolutely no one will give a shit.

8.  Duke Football will make another bowl game- Quarterback Anthony Boone will lead the blue Devils to at least six wins in a watered down ACC and David Cutcliffe will be hailed (rightly) as the football messiah in Durham.  This one is a little bit of a stretch, but Duke’s defense was young last year and has literally nowhere to go but up.  The offense might regress a bit but six wins is very reasonable.  Keep in mind that I am a huge homer.

9.  The Patriots will win the Super Bowl- I actually have no idea who will win the Super Bowl this year, but it seems like a cop out to make sports predictions and not tackle the biggest sporting event of the year.  The Patriots have an unstoppable offense however and evil genius Bill Belichick calling the shots.  In an unpredictable and hopefully wildly exciting playoffs I like the patriots chances of winning best.

10.  Jadeveon Clowney will win the Heisman- This is the boldest prediction of them all.  No purely defensive player has ever won the Heisman, but that streak has to end sometime.  (Charles Woodson stole the trophy from Peyton Manning in 1997 but he returned kicks and played some receiver in addition to cornerback)  And I can think of no better player to end the offensive player hegemony than Clowney.  He is quite possibly the most athletic person on earth and has been the top rated football player in the country since high school.  And his hit yesterday is actually frightening.  The way he knocked the shit out of that poor Michigan player and then scooped the ball up with one hand is just nuts.

And honestly, just look at the dude.


The Heisman often comes down to just two players.  Kind of like Thunderdome.  And if two men enter, Jadevon Clowney always fucking leaves.



One Response to “Raw Predictions”

  1. Jabrone said

    6 wins not too much of a stretch. Much much much more favorable schedule (4 non-conference games where we could/should be favored plus not drawing fsu and Clemson from the Atlantic).

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