Heisman Power Rankings

September 20, 2012

I know I promised weekly recaps of the Duke games but its not going to happen this week.  Duke played a 1-AA school and I got invited down to Clemson to experience a real tailgate and gameday atmosphere.  Clearly I went with option B.  Duke played well however and given Stanford’s big win over USC last weekend it’s possible that I overreacted to the ass-kicking they put on Duke two weeks ago.  Duke is a deeply flawed football team but since the ACC is essentially Triple-A we have a chance to cop six wins and finally see a bowl game.  (In case you were wondering, The SEC is the American League East, the Pac-12, Big 12 and Big 10 make up the rest of the major leagues, and the Big East is the Little League World Series.)

Anyways, I will be back in Durham this weekend for the big game against Memphis so the recaps will be back next week.  Today its time for the first RAW Thoughts Heisman Power Rankings.


5.  Matt Barkley USC QB

Barkley will not win the Heisman this year, and he certainly will not get the (entirely hypothetical) Raw Thoughts vote.  That being said he is one of the few contenders who has played even a half-decent schedule.  USC lost to the best team it has played but whatever.  At least they tried.  So until Oregon, West Virginia and a couple other schools play a team I’ve heard of this fifth spot in the power rankings is reserved for the guy who looks most like a Heisman trophy winner.  And that is most certainly Matt Barkley.

4.  Aaron Murray Georgia QB

I really hate having Murray on this list.  I don’t think he is that great but I really do not have a choice.  Murray checks all of the boxes on the Heisman Contender form.  He is a good looking white dude who plays quarterback for an undefeated SEC team and throws for a lot of yards.  This thing looks meant to be.  Fortunately, Murray’s intrusion into the Heisman Power Rankings is only going to be temporary.  Georgia looks good right now but I feel certain that they will lose at least one game they shouldn’t and then get pasted in the SEC championship game.  This is a safe bet since it happens literally every year.  Once the ‘Dawgs get to two or three losses people will shut up about Murray for Heisman.

3.  Braxton Miller Ohio State QB

If you haven’t seen this guy play yet you are really missing out.  Miller is crazy explosive and just embarrasses people in the open field.  More importantly he plays quarterback for Urban Meyer so you know he is going to put up huge numbers.  Also since Ohio State plays in the Big 10 they won’t have to play anybody really good until their annual ass-kicking at the hands of an SEC school in a BCS game.

2.  The Honey Badger LSU DB

I realize that The Honey Badger, or Tyrann Mathieu, as no one calls him, is indefinitely suspended from LSU this year and thus has been ruled out of Heisman contention by most pundits.  Well most pundits are dumb.  The Honey Badger takes what he wants.  How have people forgotten that after only three games.  Idiots.

If this guy wants the Heisman then he will fucking take it.  #neverforget


1.  Alex King Texas P

In the top spot this week (and all other weeks) is Texas Punter Alex King.  King currently leads the nation in punting average.  Unfortunately ESPN refuses to recognize this fact because since King has only punted four times he does not have enough attempts to qualify.  Now this is a clear case of statistical gerrymandering on the part of ESPN, but don’t let it take away from King’s accomplishments.  In fact I think his season is even more impressive given that he rarely punts.

Teams commonly avoid putting the ball in the hands of dangerous kick returners by kicking out of bounds or through the back of the end zone.  This is done out of fear of the returner.  For the first time ever this year teams are actually doing the reverse of that strategy.  King has been so dominant on the few chances when he has been allowed to punt that teams fear him and will do anything to keep Texas from punting.  They have intentionally allowed Texas to score just to keep King off the field.  This is the only possible explanation for Texas putting up more points on Ole Miss last week than any team since 1917.

By this unassailable logic Alex King is directly responsible for every point scored by Texas so far this year.  That gives him a massive 158 points for the year and clearly stakes his claim as the Heisman frontrunner.




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