The Kansas City Chiefs

December 26, 2011

I like to think that I am a pretty reasonable and enlightened sports fan.  I understand the limits of the teams I root for and usually temper my expectations accordingly.  Duke basketball will always be good and sometimes great.  Duke football will consistently snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in the most creative and frustrating ways possible.  I actually pride myself on this ability to be reasonable when it comes to sports.  One of my favorite activities is making fun of idiot homers like Knicks fans that think Iman Shumpert reminds them of Gary Payton, or Magic fans who think they can trade Jameer Nelson and Turkoglu’s dead body for Deron Williams.  Its entertaining listening to these poor bastards talk themselves into something that’s just not gonna happen.  Like Kendall Marshall ever being able to create his own shot.  Every once in a while though something comes around that knocks me off my douchey pedestal of rational thinking and reasonable expectations.

That thing is the Kansas City Chiefs.  For whatever reason I am incapable of objectively judging the Chiefs.  Maybe it comes from being the only person who cares even a little bit about the chiefs in the entire state.  There is no one to debate with or talk to about the team so its easy to convince myself that Matt Cassel is the next Tom Brady.  Whatever the reason, I just go nuts for the Chiefs.  My only piece of Chiefs gear is a massive bright red and yellow parka yet I still manage to wear this more often than all of the Duke clothes I’ve picked up over the years combined.  And if the team is even half-decent then nothing else matters.

Halloween this year I kept sneaking out of the party to go upstairs and watch the Chiefs-Chargers Monday Night game.  The problem was the party wasn’t at my house but some random UNC fraternity house.  I almost got my ass kicked by a robot wearing a Calvin Johnson jersey.  (Badass Megatron costume btw.)  I should have learned my lesson after the Chiefs despite winning that Halloween games lost five in a row and fired their coach.  Nope.  This past Saturday, Christmas Eve, I found myself drinking alone in a bar watching the Chiefs bid to sneak into the playoffs come to an end in overtime against Oakland.  After the second time the waiter came by to ask when my friends would be joining me I realized something.  Being a rational fan kind of blows.  All the fun is in the idiotic hopes and dreams.

The Chiefs lost and even if they had won the game they still would have had to defeat the Left Arm of God, Tim Tebow, the next week.  Needless to say the playoffs were never a real possibility.  But I had more fun ignoring the facts and just blindly hoping.  I now have a new found appreciation for the delusional fan-bases of the world.  So keep on keeping on Knicks fans, UGA football fans, and all the rest of you.  Maybe next season will be better.  Except for you Orlando.  Dwight is fucking leaving.

As for me, I will spend the winter convincing myself that Orton and Cassel are the second coming of Montana and Young and that next season really will be different.  It won’t be but at least I can take heart that the Chiefs are once again the best team whose mascot is kind of racist.  Suck it Redskins.

 

 

 

 

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