Athletes Who Are Too Stupid For Twitter

December 21, 2011

This blog has already made me feel like Butters trying to destroy the world.  Coming up with something about sports that might be entertaining and isn’t already on Grantland is frustrating as hell.  That being said I think I beat Simmons and crew to this idea.  Without further ado, welcome to the first post in a recurring segment called Athletes Who Are Too Stupid For Twitter.  AWATSFT (the acronym needs work) is going to be a weeklyish chronicle of athletes who need to hand the keys of their twitter over to a publicist.  Social media is a big responsibility and not everyone can handle it.  The format is gonna be pretty simple.  I will announce the athlete with the worst twitter feed of the week and then give an example of someone who is getting it right.


The inaugural award goes to a special person who I am sad to say will probably be a regular in this feature.  I am talking of course about the Honey Badger, Tyrann Mathieu.  Mathieu, or @tm7_era tweets hourly about anything and everything in his life.  He takes a steaming dump on the twitter feed of anyone foolish enough to follow him.  All weekend he gushed about his girlfriend with gems such as, “My baby always clutch ! I love her,” and “I miss my lady.”  Honey Badger followed that up with two days of sad heartbreak tweets.  The AWATSFT award clinching tweet being, “IS THIS A GOOD THANG!! iDK BUT IF god TOOK ME TO, HE WILL GET ME THROUGH!”  Capitalizing every word but God was a bold move there Honey badger.

The lesson here is pretty clear.  Don’t share your relationship and break up with 75,000 of your closest friends.  And if you choose to do so make damn sure you don’t come off as such a little bitch about it.


For a proper use of twitter check out Danny Granger @dgranger33.  His response to the vetoed Chris Paul trade was twitter gold.  “Due to the sabotaging of the LA/NO trade by david stern, and following in the footsteps of my athlete brethern Metta World Peace and Chad Ochocinco, I’m changing my last name to ‘Stern’s Bitch’ #effectiveimmediately.”  Sadly Stern’s Bitch pacers jersey’s are not yet available on their website


Full Disclosure:  I have been tweeting at the Honey Badger every day for about two weeks desperately hoping to get a retweet or mention.  All I have gotten is a cease and desist email from an LSU athletics official after my fourth tweet mentioning Honey Badger’s fake weed suspension.  I may or may not be extremely bitter about it.


3 Responses to “Athletes Who Are Too Stupid For Twitter”

  1. […] you missed last weeks AWATSFT check it out here for an explanation of rules of the […]

  2. […] feature going forward.  If you missed either of the first two AWATSFT posts they can be found here and […]

  3. […] be a little more careful with their social media output.  Previously scholars like Tony Allen, the Honey Badger, and Jamaal Charles have been the recipients of this esteemed award.  I have really enjoyed […]

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